Divided

I realised I still love the ex-girlfriend when I met her again last night. Maybe she has some sort of hold over me or maybe it was just me, either ways I felt nothing but an uncanny connection between us. Half of me is convinced we belong together while the other half of me decides I might be delusional. Maybe, we met at the wrong time?

I was hit by a sense of jealousy when I thought of her going out on a date with another guy. Then, it came to me. If I don't love her at all, why should I be bothered? But I was, and I wasn't lying to myself. I only wonder if she feels the same way.

I bought her a necklace; a silver cross pendant with a ring attached to it. I was intrigued by the design the moment I saw it, because it meant something to me. The cross symbolises faith, while the ring represents commitment. I wanted her to have it, in hopes it'd replace the ones she has; or at least to buy myself a tiny corner in her heart.

My heart.... in the meantime, is wrenched in two places. I am amused, how in my entire life I've always been decisive but for once I'm torn. The ex-girlfriend deserves better, but before I take another step I have demons to exorcise. I hope she understands... and I hope faith, will buy me some time.