Awakening

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." Henry Drummond

I was in the middle of something in the kitchen today when I overheard the brother's conversation with Winnie. I realised then he had broken up with his girlfriend not because of commitment phobia or some trivial issues but a crack in the relationship that would inevitably result in an unhappy marriage.

All of a sudden, I found that all along I had been seeking a relationship which would carry on to a lasting marriage. Realising that I just want a girl I can settle down with also helped me come to terms with my present dilemma. I began to see that not having Pris become my girlfriend at this period wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it just meant a better chance for me tomorrow. With this, it also means I would endure an unknown number of years in isolation, insanity and single hood or encounter other potentials I would miss due to any circumstances. Pris may well be either one of them, but if my love develops deep enough along the way or if she's meant to be mine then we would somehow come together one day, otherwise...

And after losing KaiNi at my own hands, I've begun to feel even more determined never to give up Pris or any other girl I love the same way I did to KaiNi, I would never again repeat the same mistakes I committed on her. I loved her.... by all means, I sought redemption.

Finally, I began to see how Xiaoqi's brief presence in my life taught me lessons. I should thank her for helping me experience the joy of having mutual appreciation for each other's company and the experience of having someone appreciate my being. Ironically, my gratitude for her had to paid off with my departure from her life; which nevertheless brought both of us benefits. The only wish I have now is that she would one day understand and appreciate my decision.