我好累

"我想你是爱我的,我猜你也舍不得

但是怎么说 总觉得

我们之间留了太多空白格." --- 蔡健雅, "Goodbye & Hello"


我现在很想她. . . 分手都已经一年多了我还是忘不了. 说真的,没她的这些日子我一直很痛苦.什么都尝试过,到最后我还是一个人活在黑暗中. 我受够了...

突然好想重新开始. 挣扎了那么久我累了. 明年毕业后我打算放长假, 把一切都忘掉,放下所有的烦恼一个人去旅行. 把自己带到一个新的地方,重新思考.去想想自己该从哪里开始,要的是什么.

下星期8日是Michelle的生日, 可是. . .我无法再和她一起庆祝. 刚好俊豪的女友也是和她同天生日. 今年我就当是做善事,为别人带来快乐. 他说想在当天为女友下厨, 而与他兄弟多年的我不能不帮他.

To Overcome Fear, One Must Become Fear

I've had enough of being judged, criticised, mocked and pushed around.

From now on, no one messes with me.

I will work all day until I eat, sleep, think, and dream of work, until I see it even when I close my eyes.

I will work hours way beyond my schedule to prove that I am willing to learn, that I am a patient and tolerant man.

For every working day I will work from 8AM - 11PM.

In another couple of months, I will know the in and out of their pathetic kitchen operations and their menu, and I will make NO mistakes.

I will be better than EACH and EVERY of them, I WILL show them that I am to be respected and feared.

I will ensure that I have evidence to show my efforts when anyone questions.

I will sacrifice all my energy towards work at TCC not because I am motivated, but because my intense hatred for them has deprived me of options.

I will force myself to smile even when I am raging mad.

Should they refuse to teach and instead push all blames on me despite my tolerance and efforts, I will make each and EVERY ONE OF THEM PAY!!

Posted By A Friend

"Sunday, September 30, 2007 Life

When I was still stuck in the army, I always thought that I'd be the happiest person once I ORD-ed. Of course, I'm so damned glad that it's finally fucking over and I don't ever have to report to or see certain superiors ever again. Or at least, even if I do ever see them again (touch wood), I can bloody well say to their stuck up faces 'I fucking quit!' instead of having to bend over backwards (NOT literally of course! ugh!) to please them or else face another precious weekend facing fellow sweaty dirty and ugly young men carrrying rifles instead of spending time with my girlfriend.

The problem on hand always seems to be the biggest and toughest to tackle. When you were young, it was being able to speak and walk, the most basic skills. Then it came to primary school, where every final year exam seemed like the hardest thing of your life. Primary 4 - Streaming. Primary 6 - PSLE. Then you got to secondary school where O levels seemed like the most important thing of your entire life. Then, depending on whether you went to JC or poly, your A levels or projects or FYPs were the most pressing issue ever. After which, for unfortunate Singaporeans who were born with a X and Y chromosome instead of a double X chromosome, came the dreaded conscription.

However, I digress. A lot. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, no matter how life is, being humans, we tend to complain or worry about what's next. Is there ever an end? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Everybody has problems of his own. It may be big or small, it doesn't matter. To the individual involved, his problem will be the most fucked up and hardest to resolve.

Now that I'm no longer under the chains of the SAF, it still feels kinda surreal. This new-found freedom, the feeling is just amazing. I can do whatever I want, whenever I damn well please. No more signing my name in some dumb book, peeing in my pants trying to request for that ONE pathetic off day from my PC.

So life is perfect now, wouldn't you agree? Wrong! I used to think that when i ORD-ed life would be a bed of roses. Yes, my life is definitely better, without a shadow of a doubt. But it's really just a cycle of life. You face big problems, you get through them with varying measures of success. And then you face brand new problems. And when you get through those, guess what comes around again? You guessed it! Brand new ones!

This is the standard life of an adult Singaporean. It may be severly generalised, but here goes. You graduate from Uni. Secure a job, find a mate, get married. Pay downpayment for a HDB flat and a car. Get a small dog. Give birth to a kid. Promotion and pay rise comes. Upgrade to condo, upgrade car. Join a country club (which has everything your condo already has but you join anyway). Give birth to another kid. Promotion comes around again. Spend even more money, constantly upgrade house and car. Is this what life is about? Maybe. At least that's what the government wants us to believe.

I'm not really complaining. I guess I had so many things that I wanted to achieve when I ORD-ed but haven't really gone about doing it. Maybe I shouldn't set so many goals for myself. Fuck.

You know The Sims, that game where you move little people to do life's mundane tasks. I feel like a fuckin' Sim right now.Life sometimes rocks, sometimes sucks. It really depends on when you ask a person. "

PS: I thought this entry was meaningful, and honestly, I think it possibly the most constructive post. Apologies for ripping the entry off from your blog by the way.