Monday, June 12, 2017

I Loved You So




I wish it weighed more than three words
As they rest on the tip of my tongue, it still hurts
Your hands smell just like tears

And all I rest on is a bed of fears

Sometimes I wish these days never came
Because now we look back for someone to blame
Forgiveness comforts you to sleep
But all your wounds cut too deep

And then I let you go,
and I let myself fall
I loved you so
Now I know I'm wrong
Because you built my heart and filled it up with soul
I let you go
Now I loved you so
 I let you go
Now I loved you so

It was labelled with a best before date
But then we came back but it was too late
Infatuated with the past, I'm tired
It's been a while what's left is expired

I let you go,
and I let myself fall I loved you so
Now I know I'm wrong
Because you built my heart and filled it up with soul
I let you go
Now I loved you so
I let you go
Now I loved you so

And then I let you go,
and I let myself fall
I loved you so
Now I know I'm wrong
Because you built my heart
Filled it up with soul
I let you go
Now I loved you so

Said I let you go
Now I loved you so
Said I let you go
I loved you so
I let you go
Now I loved you

The Only Thing I Have Left of You

Every night, I still sleep with your tshirt close to me, the one you wear at home; because that is all I have left of you.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

In Memory.... of Our Happiness

For the last nearly four years, I haven't been writing. This today, is dedicated to The Wife......

A lot has happened to us and we've been through a lot, thick and thin, in sickness and in health, happiness and sorrow.. we've really had a good run, a good six and a half years. Never once did I regret having met you or having been through whatever we went through.

I'm sorry for the things that finally broke us apart. I really wish it did not have to happen.But, maybe this is another phase for us, maybe not. Maybe we need time to work on ourselves before we perhaps some day reunite, or maybe, this is me letting you go because I love you too much.

I want to chase you back again, but I can't. The day I cannot give you the happiness you deserve is the day I will not do anything. Until I'm done resolving my own problems, I cannot be a burden to you.

Maybe in between you might find someone else, and if that happens, I hope he loves you more than I do. I hope he is much better than I will ever be. Maybe in between something might happen to me, maybe I might even give myself a chance and be with someone else..... I don't know. There are no guarantees. I just hope whatever happens, you'd be happy.

I'm thankful I had you, I'm thankful we were together. I'm thankful for that last six years, even though we had a lot of fights, a lot of arguments, a lot of disagreements. Despite all that, you made me the happiest man on Earth. You were the best thing that happened to me. You were, my everything.

Do I miss you? Yes I do, every living moment, everywhere we've been to, the scent of your shirt, the things you've left behind. There is no way I will forget or want to forget. 



Wednesday, January 23, 2013

It is apparent now that my being a chef has ramifications on the people close to me. If they can't tell anyone much about me or even know how my cooking is like then there's absolutely nothing to show for.

From today on, I have to set things right.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Freelance Jobs: Pros and Cons



So you’re sick of bosses, meetings, and clueless co-workers. You’re sure you can do a better job as one of lone wolves of the working world: the freelancer. What could go wrong? You can wake up at three in the afternoon, cherry pick your projects, and work while drinking beer and in your underwear. Well before you take the plunge, take some time to think about the pros and cons:

Slob working from home with beer and in underwear
At MoneySmart, we don't conceal anything from our clients.

The Upside

The upsides of freelancing appeal most to loners, lateral thinkers, and opportunists. It’s entirely coincidental that criminals fit that profile. The benefits can be summarized as:
  • Freedom to work in your own time
  • Make full use of talent and potential
  • Flexibility that companies can’t match
  • Accelerated learning
  • Build a wider base of contacts

Freedom to Work in Your Own Time
The main upside to freelancing. If you have special needs to attend to (e.g. medical conditions with children or parents, or you are a single parent) this is invaluable. Freelancing means you can stop in the middle of work any time. And your work day can start at four in the morning or seven in the evening, so long as you get the job done.

TV remote pointed at screen, with feet up
"Yeah, I'm uh, researching for that article right now."

As a side benefit, you rarely have to wait in queues any more. Visit the supermarket at 9 am on a Monday, and be amazed at how fast grocery shopping becomes. If you’re a jerk like me, you can call people and say “Eh, going to work is it? I’m going to catch a movie and start work at three! Haha!”

Make Full Use of Talent and Potential
Because these tend to be stifled in a corporate environment. In a big company, your ideas are often quashed by layers of management. Even if you succeed, your boss may insist on giving credit to “the team” instead of you. Even if said team consists of you and 10 lazy morons who watch YouTube videos all week.
When you’re freelance, you take full credit for any successful project.

Woman smoking boss's cigar, with boss yelling in the background
"For the last time, you CANNOT call a staff meeting to celebrate yourself."

Flexibility that Companies Can’t Match
Being freelance makes you more adaptable at work. When a client wants something different, there’s no need to seek approval at a board meeting. You can change procedures or methods in an instant. Compared to you, companies seem to have all the flexibility of a pregnant yak.

Accelerated Learning
When working freelance, you’ll interact with companies of different sizes. You’ll set foot in different industries, work alongside various experts, and see how different companies get things done. Because you don’t settle into a routine, every job gives you a new perspective on your chosen industry. It’s a learning experience corporate drones would kill for.

Stack of books
"I don't know anything about emerging markets either. Just learn everything about it on the bus ride home."

Build a Wider Base of Contacts
Because you aren’t stuck with one firm, and your time is flexible, networking becomes easy. Even two or three years of freelancing will build you a huge base of contacts. You’ll know who to call in a variety of situations. Even better, you can sometimes hook people up, thus building your presence and value in the market.

The Downside

There are some drawbacks to freelancing, which can be managed with experience. But if you’re new to it, brace for some of the following:
  • Late payment
  • Taking all the blame
  • Bearing all overheads and requirements alone
  • Constant job seeking

Late Payment
There is a difference between a contract of service and a contract for service. The Ministry of Manpower (MoM) is very specific about this. When you have a contract of service, you’re an employee. You have to be paid within seven days of a specific date, or you can complain.
But freelancers have a contract for service. Which means if the client decides not to pay you, the only recourse is the small claims court. This means burning bridges, since the next time the client wants a freelancer, it won’t be you. Because, you know, you dragged them to court.

Masked mugger
Freelancers on pay day.

So your alternatives are (1) wait for the money to arrive, a little after the next ice age, or (2) go to court, get the money, and lose that client forever. Oh, and have them bad mouth you to other companies.

Taking All the Blame
When something goes wrong, the freelancer is playing musical chairs with zero chairs. There is no chance of winning the blame game. Even if you have a good reason as to why the project failed, your client doesn’t care. It’s easier to blame you than find issues with their employees.

Bearing All Overheads and Requirements Alone
If you’re an interior designer, you’d better sell bone marrow so you can afford AutoCAD. If you’re a musician, you’d better have top of the line equipment. All the little things that companies pay for, from Windows Office down to printer ink, will now have to be borne by you.

Printer ink next to France travel guide
Let's see: buy printer ink, or vacation in France? They cost about the same these days.

And if anything goes wrong, there’s no department to turn to. Your PC crashed? There’s no IT department to call. Your bank transfer didn’t coming through? There’s no accounts department to harass. And remember: your client doesn’t care. The project deadline remains.

Constant Job Seeking
Successful freelancers fill their calendars two months in advance. There shouldn’t be blank spaces where there’s no project. A freelancer’s job seeking is perpetual: every time you’re working on a project, you need to be scouting for the next two.
Remember that payment might come after a project, and tends to be late. So one month without a project might translate to three months without income.

Conclusion

Freelancing requires a lot of self-motivation and versatility. It’s not for someone who isn’t a creative problem solver. Every project will present radically different challenges, and the tolerance for failure is low. If you’re looking for stability and routine, look elsewhere.
But if you’ve got real talent, and a real drive to make it work, then give freelancing a shot.
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Tuesday, May 01, 2012






For the last time... I cried. I finally broke down, missing you so much and I know that no amount of apologies will bring you back.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

General Elections 2011

In the wake of the elections, the PAP won back their seats and lost a Foreign Minister. And despite their win, we must recognize that it is the first time in 20 years they are challenged; an almost islandwide contest from the oppositions. It is also clear that for once in the political history of Singapore, we see at least half of residents voting for oppositions. From this, the message is clear, the government must step up their game.

Mr. Low Thia Kiang won Aljunied and his colleague won Hougang. Congratulations to them and hopefully they will be able to deliver their promises just as much as we hope the ruling party will, because if they don't then there will be dire consequences.

For now, we will monitor and scrutinize both parties, especially the PAP to see if they are capable to delivering their promises for the next five years. It will be a new day for them because they must now listen to the people instead of falling back to their arrogant and ignorant ways if they want to stay in power.

Mr.Vivian Balakrishnan, Mr.Goh Chok Tong and Mr.Mah Bow Tan must also prove their worth, to ease the burdens of their people instead of talking back to them. I was disappointed especially that Mr.Mah won because he and Mr.Vivian are both responsible for the rising cost of living. But then again, if they fail to understand consequences of leaving the poor behind then they will receive the same defeat that Minister George Yeo reccived. It is only a matter of time. We hope they will learn their lessons, and if they prove to be worthy then the people who voted for oppositions this GE will return to vote for PAP.

As for those who mourn for the loss of George Yeo, I say it is a lesson to be learnt. It is the blunders of the PAP that resulted in the booting of our Foreign Minister; whom many respected. I know little about Minister Yeo but this I can say, he is capable and will either gain a way back to PAP or live to become a famous figure in the private sector. Afterall if he is truly valued then there is no doubts the PAP will fight to preserve a seat for him in parliament one way or another. Many of us will want Ms.Tin Pei Ling to be booted in place of Minister Yeo.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Fall

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” - Anthony Robbins

For almost two years, I have been living from one mistake to another, paying both financially and emotionally for my wrong doings. For two years, I have also been living without a stable career. These two years, down the drain, has led me to where I am today.. an absolute nothing.

If God could give me a chance to turn back time, I would probably have decided to change my path and instead of leaving Kitchen Mogu as a reckless young man, I would have worked hard and stayed with the team till it end. Maybe today, things would have been better for me. But then again, a man's worth isn't looking back into the past no matter how glorious it was or how things could have been but he decides to do today.

I've hit rock bottom, the worse of my times and I believe these two years of tribulations should have taught me something if not alot of lessons. From today on, I should very well start righting wrongs and start making better choices and being more aware of what lies ahead. I have to get back on my feet, just as Japan is struggling to rebuild itself.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Abused

I think mothers should be people who take away your pain, who hold you and tell you that everything's going to be okay, and that it okay to be afraid but hurting others will not take away your pain. My mother on the other hand, demonstrated something that I will never forget and will not easily forgive her for. It was probably the same thing that left a scar on my right index finger that is still visible today. She simply went into such a fit of fury I was terrorized, so tramautized that I now lock myself in my room not wanting to see her ever again. A day ago, she came into my room wanting to resolve a problem concerning my insurances. When I decided to give it up, she forced me to call my insurance agent and I refused. She simply sat by my bed and stared at me, but I persistently ignored her. Then when she went out of my room I thought I had finally gotten my peace...... but I was wrong. I locked my door and within ten minutes she came knocking at my door. I refused to open and talk to her, then the horrific thing happened; she banged and slammed my door violently, yelling and demanding me to open up. After that incident, I left home. Thankfully, not having a job or any cash on me, I still have a girlfriend who came to me and provided me comfort. When all my walls were broken down before her, I cried, with her holding me in her arms telling me it okay to cry.. just cry it all out.